Good day Deano,
I hope today finds you in good spirits. As usual, I would like to commend you on the outstanding work you do as the executive editor of the prestigious New York Times. You are the epitome of unbiased, fair and balanced, apolitical reporting. As he typically does, Joey has been working at breakneck speed. I mean, does this guy ever sleep? Well, besides, the 12 hours nightly and incessant naps during the day? Just when you think he can’t do anymore (most, say harm), he out does himself, again and again. Let’s take a look at some of the past week or so’s highlights, shall we Deano old sport?
Build that wall
Well, I guess those radical Conservatives can finally pipe down. It was announced this week that Joey will in fact build that wall. I guess he is realizing that the Southern border catastrophe is way out of control, and he is running out of options to control it. And none too soon, I’m told. As we speak, 3,000 future illegal aliens are marching up through Mexico, after busting past a police checkpoint in Mexico. They are carrying banners saying “Biden For All.” This is confusing in itself, after all border czar, Heels Harris told them, “don’t come.” Personally, I think this should have solved all of the problems, wouldn’t you agree Deano? After all, this wall was already paid for by taxpayers, why not use it. I mean you can only blame President Trump for so long.
Build that wall where? Around Joe Biden’s house!
Well, just as Conservatives were cheering, hoping that Joey has finally turned the corner, they received some rather bad news. You see Deano, old chum, the wall being built is not at the Southern border at all. It is being built around Joey’s $2,750,000 estate at Rehoboth Beach, Delaware. (Not to be confused with his main residence). This one wasn’t paid for and is going to cost taxpayers to the tune of $455,000! I understand Joey is concerned that one of those chartered buses moving illegal aliens in the dead of night might drop some off in his very non-diverse neighborhood of Rehoboth Beach. Much like your palatial estate in the affluent enclave, in the very non-diverse Larchmont, California Deano.
Do you have a wall Deano, I mean just in case? I myself was shocked, as Joey had been so anti-wall previously. It is almost as shocking as when people were calling Joey a racist, well Kamala did anyway, during the Presidential debates but no worries, now they are pals. Oh yes, and also called him a sexual harasser, see Tara Reade, no problem now though.
Now who’s the traitor?
Those in the know, claim Joey wanted the wall for other reasons, because he was getting a bit self conscious. It seems he didn’t like be photographed riding his bike, you know with the training wheels and all. Of course, the radical right is screaming that it’s just another case of his mind boggling hypocrisy. It seems to know no bounds. They scream about walls to protect and safeguard this installed puppet, but not to protect the citizens, he swore to protect, of this once great country. Some are calling his actions in fact, treasonous. They reached out to “General” Milley, in regards to the charges of treason, but he was busy phoning the Chinese military, giving out information about our nuclear missle silos and such. President Trump is a racist!
Build Back Communism Bill
It looks like we are making headway on Joey’s Build Back Communism Bill though. How Joey keeps this work schedule is nothing short of amazing. I mean, what this man gets done from Tuesday-Thursday is awe inspiring. We recently got a breakdown of a typical day for Joey during these negotiations, and it goes something like this.
- 8:00 “Dr” Jill usually wakes Ole sleepy head Joe, and gets him ready for another day, at the negotiating table.
- 8:30 Joey has his cereal and Flintstones vitamin. Joey we are told, is partial to Count Chocula, but sometimes prefers Captain Crunch.
- 9:00-10:00 This is cartoon time, usually Bugs Bunny/Roadrunner Hour
- 10:00-11:30 This is Presidential nap time
- 11:30-12:00. This is where Joey gets into the negotiations with his severely divided Democratic Party. Basically, 48 Socialist/Communist members and 2 moderate Democrats.
Compromise? Not everyone accepts it
This time frame has become a point of contention with Joey and “Dr” Jill. It seems Joey demands to wear a beanie hat with a propeller and the “Dr,” doesn’t think it looks very Presidential. So they compromised and let Jen Goebbels Psaki glue some sparkles on the cap that say Installed POTUS. All parties, we are told, are happy with the compromise.
- 12:00-2:00 This is lunch break. Joey usually just heads back with the “Dr” for a grilled cheese or sometimes Mac and cheese.
- 2:00-3:00 TV time again, usually Matlock or The Love Boat
- 3:00-4:00 Presidential nap time
- 4:00-5:00 It’s back to the grind stone, trying to hash out details on the $3,500,000,000,000 BBCB, not to be confused with the $1,200,000,000,000 “Infrastructure“ Bill, being held hostage by the Progressive/Communist faction of the “Democratic” Party.
Ideas abound, Bernie/Chuckie and the like wanting more cradle to grave entitlement programs, gender studies, paid day care, anti-discrimination in healthcare (obviously needed), the list goes on and on. Finally, at the end of the day, they asked Joey for his input. He exclaimed, he wants every family to get a swing set and sandbox. I understand this is where Bernie lost it. His face beat red, hands waving, screaming these are ridiculous demands…ironic statement huh, Deano? They said, old Bernie was madder than an old man at a deli in Brooklyn screaming, “my soup is too hot, I’m not paying for it…this is an outrage!”
The good news is they say we are making headway with Senator Sinema. Reports are AOC and the squad followed her into the bathroom and are holding her head in the toilet until she votes yes!
So, you see why Joey can only do a 3 day work week. The man is not Superman, for heaven’s sake! Besides, he needs to keep an eye on those contractors, back at the beach estate, his sand bucket and shovel went missing recently. Plus sometimes, the machine operators let Joey sit in the seat and wear a hard hat, which he enjoys very much, we are told. President Trump is a racist!
Joey nails the town hall again!
As your partner in unbiased reporting, CNN reported, Joey scored big with his last town hall Q&A. They said he really connected with the scripted, sorry I mean objective people and their questions. Keeping them at ease with his folksy banter, and comical exchanges. He had the crowd in stitch’s I’m told…they were laughing with him, not at him, right Deano? I had forgotten to tune in, as many also did I’m told. I saw the replay on the comedy channel later on. Of course, the radical right hammered Ole Joey Talibiden. Let’s touch on a couple of their outlandish gripes against the best orator and diplomat we have seen, since JFK.
Firstly, the moderator, the distinguished Anderson Cooper. Have you ever seen a more impartial reporter than him, sans Donnie Lemon or Fredo, sorry Chris Cuomo of course. He certainly kept Joey on his toes.
Like when the question popped up about about the disastrous capitulation to the Taliban, while fleeing Afghanistan under terms set forth by these terrorists. Well, hold on now, just hold on. Now that I’ve watched this charade, it seems not ONE of the scripted actors asked Joey about this…….not one question! Almost, almost mind you, it seems that they are trying to whitewash one of the most humiliating episodes in the history of the United States.
This as news has come out that there are approximately 360 Americans still in Afghanistan. This after the White House, specifically the lovely Little Red Lying Hood Psaki, has been insisting the number is under 100 for weeks now. Who perpetuated this latest lie, Liar-in-Chief Talibiden, Blinken, Harris (sorry, MIA), Austin, Milley. By the way we tried to reach Milley again, but he is now on the phone with the Russians. He should be available later today, after speaking to Iran and North Korea. What really surprised me was the ever unbiased Anderson Cooper, never made mention of the Afghanistan debacle either. Maybe Donnie Lemon covered it later, he is very fair and balanced.
Next, they point to the numerous gaffes by the installed Houseplant-in-Chief. One was when he couldn’t remember the name of the port in California that has been disrupting the supply chain for months now. You know the one that Joey said, he has had a task force working on it for the last 6 months. Maybe, he could take Kalamity off the border czar assignment, now that that situation is rectified, and make her czar of this crackerjack task force; that way we know we will get results.
As he stammered for what seemed like an eternity, finally saying “what the hell am I doing here.” (Yes indeed, what the hell is he doing here?) The professional unbiased Cooper said, “you mean, Long Beach.” Joey chimed in “yes, yes, Long Beach.” I’m sure old Coop would have done the same for President Trump. They tried reaching out to Pete Buttigieg, Transportation Secretary, but he is on paternity leave until the 4th of July 2022 holiday, we hear.
Of course they point out the blatant hypocrisy as usual from Lying Biden. With him, saying that all first responders should be fired, if they don’t comply with the vaccine mandate. No mention of why members of Congress, their assistants, the Judical system, even postal workers are exempt? I have a clue about postal workers Deano, but I’ll keep that between me and you until after 11/9/22, ok champ. Also, no mention of the unvaccinated illegal aliens flooding into the country on a daily basis. For gosh sakes Joey, THE SCIENCE, DAMN IT, THE SCIENCE!
Of course, mask requirements are optional, this obviously doesn’t apply to Barack Hussein birthday bashes, Nancy (devout Catholic) Pelosi meeting the Pope, lovely Lori Lightfoot attending Lollapalooza events, Gavin Newsom when dining out, even “Dr” Biden and Joey dining out in Washington recently, etc, etc. But not to worry, Joey has a mask on for those zoom calls……..oh, boy. Again, surprisingly, no mention of these points by the always unbiased Cooper. I love the professional, concerned look Coop had during this farce, like it is almost on the level, just too funny.
Now we know why he wants to build that wall
When queried about the inflated price of gasoline, you know the one that has jumped approximately 70% in 9 short months, Joey was a bit stumped. He said, “I don’t have any solutions in the near term.” Does the Keystone pipeline come to mind? He did say sometime next year he expects prices to come down by 18 cents. Conservatives ask, really Joey, exactly where did you come up with that time frame and figure? 18 cents, not 17, 19 or 50 for that matter? Sometime next year? Really Joey, you used to be able to lie on the fly much better than that. President Trump is a racist!
What problem at the border
I think the best one of the night was when Coop asked Joey, if he plans on visiting the Southern border? Joey replied, “I have been there before, I mean I haven’t had a hell of a lot of time to get down there.” “Maybe, I should go down, but I’ve been traveling all over, surveying hurricane damage.” Which hurricane Joey…..Andrew, Camille, Galveston? Doesn’t Joey realize, he HAS had time to spend 70 days in Delaware biking with the good “Dr” and eating plenty of ice cream. But in fairness, he says “his wife has been there, to both sides, and she knows all about it.” So, we have that going for us. Now, you know why they are playing the replay of this Q&A on the comedy channel, Deano. If it didn’t involve the destruction of the greatest country ever, it would be too, too, funny.
One more Deano. I know, I know, there are tons more, but we have to move on. To solve the the supply chain catastrophe, he would call out the National Guard to drive trucks…(you know like Joey used to), and that they are in fact doing so right now! Well, the lovely Peppermint Patti Psaki had to clear up that falsehood the next day saying, they currently are NOT using the National Guard in regards to the supply chain catastrophe. Another lie, go figure.
Here’s where to build that wall – but no
The right says, why don’t we just go with the premise that whatever comes out of Talibiden’s mouth is a lie. Oh, Joey why do you lie so? Look at all the press conferences Lying Jen Psaki could skip trying to clear up Joey’s lies with her own lies. The man cannot control his impulse to lie, but don’t sell the rest of his administration short by any means. They are terrific pathological liars in their own right. Of course Goebbels Psaki, then we have Kalamity (when she is around) is no slouch. Did you see A.G. Merrick Garland this week testify before Congress? What a performance! He is all over those domestic terrorist soccer Mom’s, but left speechless when discussing artistic great Hunter Biden (known as Picasso Jr. in inner circles) and his famed laptop…nothing to see here, move along.
As usual Deano, I can’t thank you enough for the great service you do for our country. You and all who work at the esteemed NY Times are truly great Patriots. I never listen to the radical right wing zealots who constantly point out your fabrications and obvious defections, whether in print or by omission, and describe you as a propaganda rag, and corrupt arm of the Democratic/Communist Party.
Kudos to you, and to your publisher AG Sulzberger also. Slushy sure has the right bunch working for him, that’s for sure. The hell with Conservatives, as long as we can take our limos home to our estates, or possibly even Barack Hussein and Michael’s $12,000,000, 29 acre estate in Martha’s Vineyard (not bad for a community organizer). As always, masks are optional at Barack Hussein’s. Just make sure they don’t bus any illegal aliens over there. Can you imagine the cost to put up a wall around that joint?
Chris Cirino is a retired New York City fireman. He previously worked for the IBEW, Local #25. He was born in Brooklyn NY. He now communicates with liberal news outlets, to address their biased, hypocritical, double standard reporting techniques using satire.
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