One of the most memorable characters from the Hogan’s Heroes sitcom in the 1960s was Sergeant Schultz. This pleasingly plump German officer managed to make us laugh with his famous line: “I see nothing. I hear nothing.” Sergeant Schultz kept himself in a state of plausible deniability, which was quite comical considering that his audience knew his true circumstances.

The Three Wise Monkeys carved on a stable housing sacred horses at Tōshōgū shrine, Nikkō, Japan “Hear, Speak, See no evil” Photo: David Monniaux, CC BY-SA 1.0 Generic License

Schultz didn’t have a monopoly on the self-imposed deaf, dumb and blind syndrome. It predates the comical Sergeant by centuries. There is an iconic carving in a 17th century Japanese Shrine of the three monkeys that have come to be known as the see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil trio that depict a 2500-year-old Chinese code of conduct.

Not to be out done, the new Millennium has its own comedic characters. However, their images are not carved on any shrine doors nor do they appear in any sit coms. They are real life monkeys that have carved their images on the pages of history. But these monkeys aren’t as funny as Sergeant Schultz and don’t have any admirable codes of conduct to enlighten us with. None-the-less, they have managed an amazing feat. They have managed to multiply over the years. At last count, there were at least four, and it is reasonable to assume that more are lurking in the corridors of their ivory towers.

Schultz 1 and 2: Obama and Holder

Let’s see, there are two in the current administration: one occupying the White House and one that serves as our Attorney General. These monkeys have evolved and can just claim Executive Privilege instead of turning their heads in ignorance. The only funny thing about them is that they manage to get away with their deaf, dumb, and blind routine. Perhaps that is more of an indictment on the supposedly evolved men and women that are responsible for holding them accountable. Yep. This new breed of monkeys would make Sergeant Schultz proud. His syndrome lives on in them and has mutated with voracious stealth.

Schultz 3: Chris Christie

The Schultz Syndrome isn’t restricted to the hallowed halls of our nation’s capital. It has spread to the state of New Jersey – once known for its garden environment. Well the Garden State seems to have a rather large Schultz Syndrome snake slinking around its environs. But this NJ born and bred caricature is smarter than his D.C. counterparts – at least he thinks he is. He didn’t claim Executive Privilege to sweep his scandal under the rug; first he fired his scapegoat – claiming he knew nothing, and then he appointed counsel to investigate the allegations against him. Of course we all assumed that he appointed an independent counsel to conduct and independent investigation. The joke was on us. He appointed one of his cronies – none other than his personal attorney, who also happened to represent the other alleged party to the crime – the Port Authority. You can’t make this stuff up. The I-am-not-a-bully Governor must think we are all stupid enough to let this one slip by us. Maybe the joke is on him after all.

Schultz 4: Lois Lerner, IRS

Number four on the team monkeys infected with the Schultz Syndrome would be the notorious Lois Lerner, Director of the IRS Tax Exempt Division. To Ms. Lerner’s credit, she only made a mild effort to tell the nation that she knew nothing, saw nothing, heard nothing. Of course Ms. Lerner wasn’t in a position to claim Executive Privilege or appoint Crony Counsel to do a pretend investigation, so she did the only thing a Schultz Syndrome victim would do in her circumstance – she shut her mouth and claimed the 5th.

The real problem

These monkeys should be locked up in a cage somewhere for the crimes they have committed against the Constitution and for their other sundry crimes and misdemeanors, including but not limited to selling arms to Mexican drug lords. The real comedy of errors – worthy of any Shakespearean plot – is that those who are in a position to lock them up and throw away the key are either spineless compromisers or liberal Marxist ideologues. So what do they do when the four monkeys dance around our system of law, they play their squeeze boxes on top of their soap boxes until the monkeys tire and move on to their next caper.

Unless We the People find a way to immobilize those infected with the Schultz Syndrome, this deaf, blind and dumb disease will continue to spread like wildfire through the shining city that once stood tall upon a hill. Eventually, it will infect all would be representatives of the people and mutate them into a barrel full of monkeys that will wreak havoc on what is left of the home of the brave and the land of the free – turning us all into a bunch of blithering idiots whining about how we lost the blessings of liberties for all posterity.

However, immobilization may not be possible. The only way to rid ourselves of these monkeys and their havoc may be to eradicate them at the polls step-by-step every Election Day in every state and every county throughout the nation. If we don’t, the joke is really on us after all.

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