But the garage was locked!

Good day Joe Kahn, Executive Editor of the iconic tabloid The New York Times. I’m sure you are quite busy at your desk these days, covering the installed administration of Harris-Biden. As usual, those right wing lunatics are on the attack again, accusing Joey and his cabal, sorry I mean administration of corruption and incompetence…the nerve! I think we need to examine some of these outrageous accusations Kahny.

Joe’s Latest Dilemma – classified docs in a garage?

Well, it seems Kahny, that classified documents seem to be popping up all over the place lately. First, boxes of said documents first appeared at Joey’s office he occupied while vice president. This is what has been referred to as the ‘Biden think tank’—many have referred to this as the ultimate oxymoron. Then, another treasure trove of classified documents showed up at Joey’s house in Wilmington, Delaware.

Conservatives point out there are many inconsistencies and nefarious acts being perpetrated by the installed administration as well as the DOJ. Outrageous … right Kahny? Well, let’s see what they are talking about.

How This All Started

It seems that the Inspector General of the national archives contacted the DOJ on November 8th 2022, stating: the White House contacted the national archive to say that classified documents had been found in the closet of the office (the aforementioned ‘think tank’) used by Joey Biden when he was vice president. Then, the FBI started their investigation into this matter on November 9, 2022. Why are these dates important Kahny—well, I’m glad you asked. That is because the mid-term elections were held on NOVEMBER 8th, 2022. Quite the coincidence, eh Kahny? Maybe the FBI were still busy investigating Melania Trump’s lingerie drawer.

It reminds me of another election year—2020, when the crack addict/energy expert/now famous artists laptop that was suppressed or dismissed as Russian disinformation (spearheaded by the reputable Adam Schiff)—since debunked. You actually went with that narrative Joe Kahn, Executive Editor of Pravda, I mean The NY Times. Well done Kahny, we’ll done.

Then this ‘Discovery’ in the garage

Now, just days ago here in mid-January, it was revealed that more classified documents where found in Beijing Biden’s home—more precisely his garage! Yep, right between the box marked x-mas ornaments and his weedwacker. They were located right behind Joey’s prized FOSSIL Fuel guzzling Corvette… carbon footprint be damned, as far as Joey is concerned apparently.

Jean-Pierre Clears Things up

Well, what does the White House have to say about these accusations? When they asked Karine Jean-‘Goebbels’ Pierre, she said: “the president did not know that there were classified documents in his closet or garage.” Seems like a tad of a stretch, don’t ya think Kahny. I mean these documents were misplaced when he was the vice president—so it’s been years. I mean can’t you just see “Dr.” Jill saying—“Joey grab the box of Christmas ornaments, they are in the garage, next to the box marked classified documents!” “Ok honey, soon as I’m done with my pudding and cartoons.”

Joey Sets Them Straight – the garage was locked

Now it was Talibiden’s chance to set the record straight. When asked by a reporter, “classified documents next to your Corvette? What were you thinking?” Joey was having none of it, and replied “by the way, my Corvette is in a locked garage. It’s not like it’s sitting out on the street.” Ok, there you have it, it’s not like the documents were out by the recyclable can—they were in the locked garage behind his prized Corvette! That’s good enough for me Kahny, call off the investigation —alert AG Garland. I think these resources could be better allocated. I have heard through the grapevine that President Trump left a toilet seat up at Mar-a-lago, which obviously, reeks of misogyny —and hate crime charges need to be filed. I believe another early morning raid is in order to right this gross miscarriage of justice!

A plant?

Additionally, we have reports that a video was captured of these documents being placed in Joey’s garage. Yep, you guessed it…President Trump was recorded entering the garage with said documents. As luck would have it Adam Schiff just happened to be passing Joey’s house, and was able to get video of the break in…talk about perfect timing. Though a bit distorted and grainy, it just has to be President Trump, has to be, even though those who examined the video said it looks like Paulie Pelosi with a blond wig. Some speculate that this was ordered by Chardonnay Pelosi, to make amends for Paulie’s recent dalliances in his car and home.

Points to Consider

Here are some points to consider, even for devout liberals like us Kahny.

— Goebbels Pierre, has for days now said, “the president takes these classified documents, very, very seriously” Hewas not aware the documents were there.” Really Jean-Pierre—how seriously? So, we are supposed to believe that Joey walked by these boxes behind his prized gas guzzling Corvette for YEARS without noticing? Besides, Talibiden himself said, what is the big deal, they were in a locked garage—but theN, I thought he didn’t know anything about them? I don’t think they are going to let Joey get in front of the microphone anytime soon.

—so, what is worse, illegally taking said documents as the vice president—or being so clueless as not to know these documents are in your office or garage.

—we keep talking about how presidents, and only presidents, are allowed to take limited classified information. So… why did Bidenflation remove these items as VICE PRESIDENT? Care to weigh in Kahny?

—why did the DOJ hold back this information until after the mid-term elections—I think we all know the answer to that Mr. Executive Editor Kahn, no need to answer.

It Couldn’t be done without the Media

It seems most objective, unbiased people have a very low opinion of todays “journalists.” Well, as the White House is in overdrive to do damage control from the LATEST Biden disaster, we have to realize this would not be possible without the complicit reporting outlets and social media—minus Twitter now of course, for obvious reasons (freedom of speech). You’re right at the top of the list Joe Kahn. With you at the helm of The NY Times (Pravda) running cover for this corrupt installed puppet, he should have no problem with the latest debacle.

Or CNN, who just today were saying conservatives are unfairly targeting Joey Robinette Biden while treating Donald Trump with kid gloves. Yes, this from the news outlet that has made President Trump their focal point of attack for 7 YEARS. Much like your ‘reporting’ style Kahny. The double standard and hypocrisy is beyond ridiculous at this point. It must be nice to have no conscience, I mean how on earth do you look yourself in the mirror Kahny? I guess you were absent in college the days they spoke of journalistic integrity. Remember you’re mantra over there at Pravda, “printing all the propaganda that is fit to print.”

AOC Strikes Again

It seems that Mensa member AOC has made the determination that gas stoves cause brain damage, and should be banned. I really thought that this was a real stretch Kahny, you know, I mean come on. Then I happened to read that AOC’s home uses a gas stove. Well, that sold me, it is obvious these demonic devices do indeed cause brain damage! I say when the FBI isn’t busy raiding Mar-a-lago, or dragging parents out of school meetings for looking out for their child’s best interest; they should go around ripping out gas stoves… only from registered Republicans, I mean let’s not go crazy here.

Where’s Waldo?

On a final note has anyone seen Heels Up Harris? Last I saw, she was sent to the Philippines to greet and thank fishermen. They made sure there wasn’t a microphone in sight—due to her fantastic oratory skills. Well, we’ll just have to wait for the slightest connotation (usually fabricated) of racism or misogyny… then they will wheel her out. In the meantime check all the bakeries, there’s a good chance you’ll find her there. What an asset.

Sincerely,

Chris Cirino