Good day Deano,
I hope today finds you well today over at The New York Times, as their executive editor. Well, it has been a busy couple of weeks over there on Capitol Hill. Our elected officials are trying to iron out details of the $3,500,000,000,000 reconciliation bill. This of course is tied to (held hostage) to the much needed $1,000,000,000,000 infrastructure bill. This latter bill actually has 20% of the money dedicated to actual infrastructure, which seems very reasonable…to some people, that is. I’m not too sure about the other 80%. Like Old Nancy says, “just pass it and we can read it later.” Always the consummate, honest, unbiased politician…eh Deano, old sport.
Capitol Hill stalemate
It seems also, that we have some infighting in our own Democratic Party. Crazy right? We usually only see this from the radical right, not the party of the people, Democrats. Let’s take a look at some of the key players and their stances and then examine what Democrats and Republicans are saying. Of course, we will also look at Joey’s input in all of this.
Key moderate players
First, we have Senators Manchin and Sinema. These two are fast becoming enemies of the liberal left, and rightly so! These two are asking for the cradle to grave entitlements, Socialist/Communist bill to be scaled down considerably…sorry, I mean reconciliation bill, I keep doing that. Senator Manchin says his cap is $1,500,000,000,000, while Senator Sinema has given no dollar figure. Both are being hounded relentlessly for their stances.
Senator Sinema was actually accosted in a woman’s bathroom. Yep, chased right into a stall by someone who claimed to be an illegal alien. Joey even commented on the attack saying “it’s part of the process.” Very Presidential like, unless it was say…Maxine Waters for instance, then it would be blatantly racist. Ah, Joey’s America, when an illegal alien can verbally assault and harass a sitting Senator with no repercussions. Word is Joey called the Senator a racist because, she cut the illegal alien in line for the stall. A protest march is being prepared as we speak. Well done Joey, we’ll done! President Trump is a racist!
Key (socialist/communist) progressive players
On the other side we have the part time bartender/Congresswoman AOC, and the rest of the squad. I mean, what a great country we have. Where can you go from working lady’s night or organizing a beer pong tournament at the local tavern, to being a key figure in how TRILLIONS of dollars are allocated to this once great country? Yes indeed, what a country we now have.
The major players on Capitol Hill and off
Of course, we have the major players. The always even-keeled, Bernie Sanders (multimillionaire/owner of multiple homes). The very approachable skilled negotiator, (self proclaimed, devout Catholic) Nancy Pelosi. And the always crucial presence of Kamala “Heels” Harris, always a key player, in regards to decision making. They put old heels Harris on a plane to California, possibly thinking, “out of sight, out of mind at crunch time,” on the big vote day (which didn’t happen for the 3rd time Pelosi had promised it) And of course, the installed POTUS, negotiator, orator, unifier extraordinaire … Joey Talibiden!
Of course, the right is screaming about this pork-filled entitlement farce of a bill. They’re saying Joey, Nancy and Jen Goebbels Psaki are delusional, claiming this $3,500,000,000,000 will cost ZERO dollars, yep, ZERO DOLLARS. Is this the new math that they talk about? They want to know if Joey’s severe cognitive decline is actually contagious? They wanted to get specifics from Joey, but there was no time to get the teleprompter set up, and the guy who normally cuts the feed to Joey’s microphone and screen when he starts to babble, wasn’t available. Besides it was getting close to the Bugs Bunny/ Roadrunner hour, which Joey never misses, I’m told.
Of course, it was beautiful seeing Joey show up to try and broker a deal, which did…absolutely nothing. Then to see him walking holding Nancy’s hand as he strolled the hall of the Capitol. “Dr” Jill said this usually has a calming effect on Joey, this is what his health aides usually do. By the way, the right is questioning when the “Dr” will be arrested for elder abuse? Well, they asked Joey for comment and he said, “we’re going to work like hell to get this thing passed.” Then he IMMEDIATELY headed over to the beach house in Delaware, for a much deserved break. I mean it had been 4 days since his last jaunt to the compound. It’s not like there is a lot going on right now anyway. I mean ease up radical right , the man is not a machine. President Trump is a racist!
What to do now?
Well Deano, I think I have a plan to pass Joey’s fantastic Build Back Communism Bill. Why not have the esteemed “Dr” Fauci (plandemic expert), do a press conference, declaring a brand new deadly virus variant…….let’s call it, The Pelosi Debacle Variant!
Presidential election strategy redux
Seeing as how it appears that Nancy has lost her once ironclad authority over the house, we need to go to plan B, immediately. Why not say, this PDV (Pelosi Debacle Variant) forbids the members from coming to Capitol Hill. Then Old Fauci can say the only way this bill can be safely passed…would be through mail in voting. If not done this way, Fauci can say the alternative would result in almost certain death. Are you starting to follow me now Deano?
Ok, then they can start to tally the votes and it can be neck and neck into the night. News coverage could have us on the edge of our seats, simply riveting! Then somehow, almost miraculously, when the voting is finished in the early morning hours……..the Democrats can garner 99% of the votes! I mean, somehow the vote ended up 530 to 5, between both chambers of Congress; a miracle, right? Almost mathematically impossible…well, then again, it actually is impossible.
I can hear Senator Paul screaming from the roof tops that someone cast his vote fraudulently, preventing him from voting. (Sound familiar?) Then, he points out that one of the mail in votes he saw was from Teddy Kennedy (1932-2009), the infamous “Liberal Lion.” A man of impeccable integrity, just not too good a driver or reporter of drowning victims. But a hell of a swimmer, he can swim a large body of water after a suspicious car wreck, before exhaustion sets in. That’s when he had to sleep for 12 hours (then afterwards speaking to lawyers and confidants), before reporting this drowning victim to police, minor detail…what a liberal icon.
But let’s not waste time on these pesky details. Voilà, problem solved, in regards to this annoying voting issue, what do you think Deano? Maybe you should run it by your boss AG Sulzberger. Let me know what Ole Slushy thinks about this, buddy.
Then of course, the radical right can start screaming bloody murder, drama queens that they are. But it then it falls on deaf ears with the DOJ, KGB, sorry, I mean FBI and also the news and media outlets, even your pristine outlet Deano, Pravda… I mean the NY Times. Possibly, the FBI will be busy with the Clinton Russian collusion conspiracy sham which backfired, or they may be possibly shredding documents in regards to our Olympic women athletes sexual coverup coup by them…they must be busy. Maybe, they could reach out to bipartisan level headed Alyssa Milano to show her outrage, in regards to these poor athletes, who the FBI tried to silence. They must have available agents though, we know there has never been any man power dedicated to voter fraud.
Joey hits the road
It seems Joey is now hitting the road to push his Build Back Communism Bill. I understand he is putting in backbreaking 2 hour work days. I also understand teleprompters are being set up at a feverish pace nationwide. With the exception of course, of anywhere near the Southern border debacle. Not to worry though VP Kalamity Harris (Border Czar Expert), has that territory. She has to squeeze it into her demanding schedule, between bakery sampling’s, interviews on the View, Ellen, CNN and the always important college football game coin tosses. I understand these sports venues have their own chant for the installed POTUS, “ – – – – Joe Biden,” also know as FJB. I believe he is the first installed POTUS to have his own personal chant, very impressive. That’s Joey, always breaking down barriers.
From Capitol Hill to a globetrotting VP
My major concern with Joey crisscrossing this once great country is of course climate change. I mean, I am weeping , inconsolable actually, as I type this just thinking of the “carbon footprint”, destroying the world. Between this and Heels Harris jaunting off to Viet Nam to accomplish…well, President Trump is a racist.
Or Heels jetting out to California for a one nighter, all while Joey was walking the halls of the Capitol, looking for Barack Hussein. No word if she flew out to her affluent hamlet of Brentwood, California, where she may have left a light on, or possibly looking up old friends like Willie Brown. Climate change, carbon footprint darn it!! Wait a minute, wait a minute my mistake, this is not the time to use this narrative Deano, my bad, sorry. I’ll just wait till a Conservative gets on a plane, then we can rip them a new one buddy. Whew, that was close. I can put the tissues away now.
Well it seems we are finally addressing the most important issue to date, domestic terrorists. We have finally nailed down the biggest threat to National security. It’s the parents of our children voicing their concern about what schools are indoctrinating children with, namely CRT. That and arbitrary mask mandates, like the one the very credible Gavin Newsom has implemented. You know, where K-12 graders must be inoculated as the vaccine is approved for their age groups………but teachers don’t have to be. Seems very reasonable and fair Deano, what are these radical right wingers so upset about.
Well Joey isn’t standing for it! He has ordered the DOJ to investigate these terrorists, and provide protection to these poor apolitical administrators.
Conservatives take on things
Many on the right are outraged. Claiming this Installed POTUS is a kowtowing disgrace. This is what Conservatives say among his numerous gaffes, his most egregious acts are…
A shopper’s list, from Capitol Hill to …
- Surrendering to the Taliban and leaving Americans and our allies to fend for themselves, on conditions dictated by these terrorists.
- Surrendering our Southern border to the tune of 200,000 illegal aliens a month, while vilifying the heroes of the border patrol that are doing an insurmountable job. All while he spends long weekends in Delaware cowardly hiding and shirking responsibility to protect Americans and our borders. All the while he has these illegal aliens transported in the dead of night throughout this once great nation.
- Surrendering major cities to escalating violent crimes, putting the onus on the problem being police officers, not the criminals and ridiculous revolving justice door. Empowering lackey Governors and Mayors in Democratic run cities…..De Boobio, Newsom, Lightfoot, etc .
- Trying to surrender our economy to absurd Progressive/Communist wish list to the tune of 3,500,000,000,000, which, in actuality, is closer to 5,000,000,000,000. All orchestrated by looney Bernie Sanders, the Squad and those who fear the Squad, namely Nancy Pelosi and Chuckie Schumer, and assorted other players. Talibiden has no clue, they claim, he just parrots what they feed in on the teleprompter and then runs away from reporters and their questions.
- Surrendering our children to indoctrination theories, and covid narratives that suit their agendas, that has parents (domestic terrorists) across the nation up in arms against them.
And much, much more. Conservatives ask, name one positive thing this installed puppet has done for America so far, just one? I mean really Deano are these right wing zealots kidding me? I mean Joey has done plenty, like…well, President Trump is a racist.
Lies, lies, lies, and then, more lies
The radicals want to know if anyone, they mean anyone, can stop the pathological lying in this abysmal administration? It is spreading worse than the Delta variant, Conservatives say. From the king of liars the star Joey Talibiden, we have “Dr” Jill, Blinken, Austin, (Daddy Warbucks) Mayorkas, Pelosi, Schumer, Sanders, AOC, Milley, Mackenzie, Harris, (she really doesn’t count, she hasn’t been seen in weeks). But the one that makes my blood boil is them calling Peppermint Propaganda Patty a liar. I, as you Deano, know, that Little Red Lying Hood is pure and honest as the driven snow, the audacity of these ghouls, have they no shame. They also point to esteemed reporting agencies like your New York Times, CNN, MSNBC, NBC, CBS, ABC for peddling this ridiculous, biased, laughable tripe.
One last question for you Deano. Is it true all of Joey’s lies and cheating all started way back in 1st grade. Sources say, he was caught cheating on a Phonics test and when the teacher questioned him he said, it’s Trumps Fault!
Keep up the fantastic, apolitical, unbiased and professional work over there at the Old Gray Lady. I’m sure Joey is very proud. Give my regards to Slushy and the gang, we’ll talk soon.
About the image
“United States Senate” by John Brighenti is licensed under CC BY 2.0
Chris Cirino is a retired New York City fireman. He previously worked for the IBEW, Local #25. He was born in Brooklyn NY. He now communicates with liberal news outlets, to address their biased, hypocritical, double standard reporting techniques using satire.
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