Good day Deano,
I hope today finds you well. I’m sure you are quite busy with your editorial duties, being the executive editor and all. I thought today we would discuss Joey’s new digs in Washington and some other major players, such as Hunter, Kamala, Nancy and the gang. Let’s start with Joey’s new digs, shall we.
Joey in his new digs
Well it seems that Joey is now doing his live (with enlarged teleprompter, of course,) speeches in a duplicate oval office across the way from the authentic Oval Office. It comes with some nice scenery of the fake rose garden in the background, with lovely children’s desks for Joey and his sometime guests. I’m pretty sure all previous Presidents did the same thing…then again, on second thought, no former President has done this. That’s Joey, always setting the trend.
Word is that this set was used for the show, The Dating Game. There are now reports that Joey himself wants to try his hand at the show. They could blow out the hair plugs for a younger look, and he could wear his dashing aviator sunglasses. Then the young girls could start asking Joey questions. Like for instance, what he does for a living. Joey could say his first job was working for a lumber company, like he said earlier this year, Boise Cascade was the company, I believe. Little problem with that as the company has no record of this. Ok, skip that. Maybe he could tell them how he used to drive 18 wheelers cross country. Well that may not fly, because there is no record of him obtaining a CDL license, required to drive such trucks.
Dr. Jill to the rescue
This is where “Dr” Jill comes in handy. She could whisper in his ear that he is the installed President. You know, like the time she had to remind Joey he was running against President Trump, when campaigning. You could barely see her lips move on that one, on the now deleted video…got to love the internet. Well, Joey said he was getting tired of this game and wanted to go back to the real Oval Office and drive his big wheel around and play race car driver. So, the “Dr” got him an ice cream and his security team led him back.
Word is the contestants were given one of Hunter’s latest masterpieces for their trouble… for $75,000, that is. When the press asked Jen Goebbels Psaki who the contestants were, she said they were anonymous, this is our way of keeping the Harris administration transparent . Hey, but that doesn’t make any…President Trump is a racist.
The right doesn’t appreciate Joey on a sound stage
The radical right called this play-set studio absolutely ridiculous! They say it is just the latest attempt by his handlers to shield him and his severe cognitive decline. The installed Puppet they say, sitting behind an IKEA child’s desk, playing President is ludicrous. Seeing as though reporters are no longer present, Joey no longer has to try to get away and quick step it to the exit, when running away from questions. Handlers are terrified he is going to start jogging and fall on his face numerous times, like the plane fiasco. Oh, I forgot, that was the wind (wink, wink).
Conservatives ask, should we be all warm and fuzzy about having an installed President with access to nuclear weapons, who is unable to answer ANY unscripted questions? This is the man leading the former number one superpower? Maybe they could get “General” Milley to call all world leaders, even our enemies to, you know, give them a heads up if Joe is planning anything militarily. I understand Milley has vast experience with this sort of thing. Some may call this treasonous…well, if this is done NOW, I’m sure it would be considered treasonous.
Kamala does it all
Not to be out done by all the hype Joey is getting with his new playhouse Oval Office, Kamala is shattering glass ceilings herself. Where does this woman (are we still allowed to say that?), find the time to do everything? For instance, the marvelous job she is doing securing our Southern border as the “Border Czar.” Or being the last one in the room with Joey making key decisions on the Afghanistan debacle, sorry, what did Joey call it again…oh yeah, an “extraordinary success.” Don’t you just love, little Joey? Then of course we have the important stuff, numerous bakery visits, rigorous, feet to the fire interviews with the View, CNN and of course, coin tosses at college football games. Oh, and of course, weighing in on systemic racism, and various root causes.
The Space video …
Well her newest venture trumps all, I think. Describing space exploration to random adolescent children! Well done Heels, we’ll done. But as usual the radical right has to be a Debby Downer and ruin Kalamity’s time to shine.
Conservatives point out this video was taped between August 11-13. Sounds familiar, right Deano, well it should. That is when Americans and assorted allies were running for their lives trying to escape Afghanistan and the Taliban (extreme terrorist organization.) They are also referred to as professional negotiators, by Blinken, and Peppermint Patti Psaki. Don’t you just love this administration?
Well, Conservatives ask, how could Ole Heels be making critical decisions with Joey about Afghanistan, when in fact she is talking to adolescent children like they are toddlers about space, at the same time? They said, this absolutely ridiculous segment where she tells children, “you’ll be able to see the moons craters with your own eyes—-oh my goodness! With your own eyes, I’m telling you. It’s going to be unbelievable.”
Oh, my goodness is right, and of course, insert some ridiculous inappropriate cackling. Has this woman lost control of her faculties too, or was she on some type of medication? With all that is going on in this country and abroad, this is how this incompetent administration tries to “hide” this buffoon and train wreck of a “VP”? Just when you think this woman cannot be more inept, she surprises us time and time again. President Trump is a racist!
… and the child actors
Here is the kicker Deano, old sport. These”random” children chosen for this Kalamity hour are child actors, with tryouts and all. I hear even these child actors were mortified at her pitiful overacting performance. When they questioned her staff, at first they denied knowing the children were professionals. Then later, after caving in, they said it was out of there control, this is all on you tube, picking the children. There’s that transparency thing again. Is it a prerequisite to be a pathological liar, in order to work within any aspect of this installed administration? On the bright side, we know who is a shoo-in for this years razzie award!
Pelosi gets back to work
Well Deano, after Progressives and moderate Democrats shot down Nancy’s promised vote on the $3,500,000,000,000 Build Back Communism bill 3 times, she left with her tail between her legs. But don’t count the old gal out just yet. She even held a presser yesterday (October 12) saying this will pass! Ya know how she knows that Deano? I’m glad you asked. Because Old Nancy said “the American people are heavily in favor of this legislation. Even if they don’t know what is in it!” Now I ask you buddy, how can you argue with that logic. I’m sure lawyers all over use this same logic on divorce decrees, mergers and acquisitions, home mortgages and the like. I mean, what could go wrong with this logic.
What’s a little stock tip amongst friends
The right just can’t believe she actually said this. They are suggesting getting the guy who cuts Joey’s mic, when he starts to babble incoherent gibberish, to work Nancy’s pressers too. They do point out she has been very busy lately though. She has been giving her husband investment advice as of late, I’m told. I think the old boy made somewhere in the neighborhood of $5,000,000,000 on big tech stocks over the summer, trading stock options. He was lucky, because days later the House Finance Committee passed several antitrust bills, that affected their stock price. Talk about timing , eh Deano? Nancy denies any impropriety, “devout Catholic,” that she is. Also, sources say, she may be having a little cosmetic work done. Just to keep up with Joey, I’m told. Doctors have cautioned though that anymore work will place Old Nancy’s eyebrows on the back of her head.
Always honest reporting by The New York Times
I have to say Deano, that I look forward to reading your newspaper, each and every morning. I can’t describe the smile it puts on my face. Sometimes it actually makes me laugh out loud. It must be so gratifying to be in charge of those putting out this pristine, honest journalism. Your publisher, A. G. Sulzberger must be so proud of carrying on this tradition, his great grandfather started so many years ago. I don’t know what you’re paying Deano there Slushy, but he deserves a raise, for the integrity he instills in your publication. Besides, it’s not cheap having multiple estates around the country, like Deano…just ask Bernie Sanders.
But alas, those radicals on the right see you as just the opposite. Drawing comparisons to your paper as a propaganda rag, just one of the many corrupt tentacles of this installed farce of an administration. They say the comparisons of The NY Times to Pravda, The National Enquirer, and The Star is totally unfair, as even these publications have more honest reporting and integrity.
Covering up for Joey – and his handler(s)
Conservatives point out the incessant gaffes and abysmal failed policies from a cognitively challenged, pathological liar and his administration, are somehow always conveniently left out of your “newspaper.” Second only to CNN, on the propaganda scale, they say. They wonder how any of you tuck your children in and look yourselves in the mirror. A special kind of evil, or derangement they say. Hell bent on trying to destroy our once great country by deceit, lies, and incorporating deep pocket backers to do the dirty behind the scenes work. But why, is the question?
Theories abound, on who is really behind it all? Barack Hussein, Susie Rice, Clinton crime family, Georgie Soros, China, etc. It really doesn’t matter, as long as the big guy gets his 10%, or $500,000 for one of his son’s masterpieces.
One last question
I reached out to CNN to find out what happened to the Covid death meter. You know that ubiquitous tote board on 24/7 during President Trumps tenure. It seems to have miraculously disappeared. Now that the headcount is over 700,000 deaths, I think little Joey deserves some recognition. It seemed to be so in vogue last year, I just don’t understand it. Don’t fret though Deano or Slushy, Joey said he has a plan to stop in in its tracks, campaigned heavily on that promise. Any day now, any day. Maybe he’ll announce it on Christmas. The kids have to have something to look forward to, all their gifts will be on container ships, somewhere off shore. Just another feather in Joey’s cap, man he must look like Geronimo by now! Sorry, no disrespect to Elizabeth Warren.
Chris Cirino is a retired New York City fireman. He previously worked for the IBEW, Local #25. He was born in Brooklyn NY. He now communicates with liberal news outlets, to address their biased, hypocritical, double standard reporting techniques using satire.
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